quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
