If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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