you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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