Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
