I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
