just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
