I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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