Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
