You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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