I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
