saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
