plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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