My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
