Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize