Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
