The maid of honor just puked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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