he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize