I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
