i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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