i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
