just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All the doctor said was why
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
