If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
