so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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