Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When are your genitals available?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
