He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
