I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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