when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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