I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
