thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
