He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
