So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Alive.
So much puke
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
