Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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