Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
