This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
In America we eat man semen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize