hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
