I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
