you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
