I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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