I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
