Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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