Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
