I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
