So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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