You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
