I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
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Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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