you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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