Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize