Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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