sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
