I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
