i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
worst night to have a conscience
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a beard to bite.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize