I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
