i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
