my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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