And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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