I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
