is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
