pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize