I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
