it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
