he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
