Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize