If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
