There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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