CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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