that's an acceptable place to lick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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