one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
