i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
