I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
