After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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