i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
