the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
