I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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