that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
