Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
