you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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