Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
