I hate your face
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
