chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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