i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
